Approaching Glory

An Eventful Day

When I checked my email today, I had a post from what appears to be J's new boss.  He had gone on the interview, he had received a phone call telling when training times were, and now he got an email telling him the list of things he needed to bring with him on Saturday in order to be able to fill out employment forms.  Uh huh.  What he never did get was a "you got the job".  Interesting.

One of the things on the list was lifeguard swimwear.  The only lifeguard swimwear he has is the pair of trunks from the YMCA.  So he called his new boss and "Yes you have to get a new pair for this weekend's training."  Right.  Now had I known about this two weeks ago - no problemo - surf over to Keiffer's and order away. No time for that now.

First, J and I realize we will have to take the old Explorer (think 14 yrs old) because Hubby has loaded it with garbage and we need to make a garbage run.  Good thing is the car is big enough to pick up my art work.  I called up the picture framer to see if there was anyway I could get my pics before Friday because I was going out of town and the dog has to be to the gallery this weekend.  No problem - pickup at 2pm.

So J and I go over to Judy's and get her to go to the Georgia Mall with us.  This is when it begins to dawn on my that we are in the old car with NO air and it is going to be in the eighties.  I roll down the windows thinking it can't be that bad.  Of course we all had to go out to breakfast at Cracker Barrel first.  It was a moral imperative.  And it was mighty good too.

We come out to the sun really beginning to do it's thing.  Which is not good for me at all.  The air seems thick for breathing and my body is quickly overheating (I don't sweat like other people to cool myself).  We get to the sports store and do they have lifeguard swimsuits?  Nope.  So we park Judy on a bench and J and I trapse off to see if we can find another store - nothing, nada, zip.  Brilliance descends on my brain and I call the number of the one sports store in our home town and guess what?  Yesssssss.  They have lifequard trunks - but no medium.  By now I've had to use my inhaler, and I am totally miserable.

However, great mother and friend that I am (ha ha ha) I get Judy home, I pick up my pics, (with some nice compliments from the framer's other customers), and drive Jbird over to the one store here in town.  Yup - there they are - S, L no mediums.  And then I look up - and there on a hanging dummy are lifeguard shorts.  I grab the tag.  Righto - medium!  Praise the Lord!  We got J a lifeguard hat and a lifeguard muscle shirt.

Home and exhausted.  Heat so drains me.  Cleaned up the kitchen, put my pictures up on the wall so I can look at them.  The framer really did a nice job.

Waiting for American Idol to begin - and I joined the Summer Sock Along (oh my) more on this later.

Your Rest My Rest

J has been wanting to go see "Iron Man".  I watched the previews on the tv and thought I might like it.  However, when it came down to it, I wanted to stay home and rest.  Now J and Hubby's idea of resting is obviously to go see the movie.  So off they went.  Then I thought I'd get the "oh Mom you missed it" but what I got was - it was grade "C".  At least they brought me home popcorn.

Picture This

Picture this:  I am in our bedroom sorting through stuff when Hubby comes in with an envelope from the Quinlan.  He is so excited.  I deflate.  It is the self-addressed envelope for the return of your cd.  I just sit down on the bed and take the package.  Hubby is pestering me  -"Open it- open it."  I look at him like "ummm...dingbat boy - this is the package that says - thanks but no thanks and here is your cd."   I use the excuse I don't have my glasses.  Helpful man tells me that he'll open it for me.  Testily I tell him I'll find my stupid glasses.  Which I do and then open the package to find a letter that says,

"We are so happy to inform you that "The Sixties Tango" has been accepted ...."

I screamed.  Hubby has the big grin on his face and J profusely congratulates me.

Ah yes - another example of my mature behavior.

But - I've been accepted and not into the little show I was hoping and praying to get into this year - but a juried show in the big main gallery!  WOW!  God is good.

New Directions

Well the end of yesterday did not bode well.  Yesterday morning, after the hair fiasco, I talked to the ACT people on the phone to ask some questions about the form.  This man sounded like the teacher in the Charlie Brown comics - "Blah blah blah blah blah!"  Ugh!  I just want a straight answer thank you.  But he did give me an important bit of information that turned out to be extremely helpful.

With the idea that the county system school homeschool person would have to sign off on my forms - I drove into town with son.  What I ran into when I got to the administration building was "the wall".  "That office is no longer housed here."  So I get the number of the person to contact.  Now last year I met with the man who was heading up that department - nice man.  He was cordial, - if not helpful.  This lady - well - let me just quote my child:  "You did really good Mom.  You didn't yell at her and you took time to calm down and breathe."  And I will finish this discussion with - we (because I know legally that at sixteen we don't have to, but I had wanted to go through the motions of 'being-a-part' until he was finished - told the lady consider us no longer a part of the system.  We will officially do our own thing without their intent to homeschool form and their monthly attendance requirement.

Crying - I drove over to the psychologist's office - because I remembered the important bit of information that the man on the phone had told me - "The form can be signed by the homeschool liason or the diagnostician.  And you know what?  The pysch who did the educational testing for us was more than happy to help us.  In fact, he signed under his name - homeschol diagnostician.  What a sweetheart.

And another subject came up while I was there and he helped our family with that as well.  I'll let you know more about this area once we've made some decisions.  I took my signed papers, made copies, and sent them off to the ACT as a registered mail.  So we shall see what happens.

So on to today - I have been thinking for awhile that I wanted to do something special for J  - it being his final year and all.  But I haven't been able to save enough money to do the "big" thing I'd like to do.  And then I saw one of the ladies in our paint group make a portrait of her daughter for her birthday.  Hmmm... neat idea - but my abilities with oils hasn't stretched as far as humans yet.  And yet - I took out a picture that I had taken of J in 2005, turned it into black and white, and then polarized it to see shading areas.

I took my pics, paints, and a big 24-36 canvas and went to class.  And produced the picture you see up above - it is NOT finished by any means, but it is a beginning.  I don't know if J will appreciate the colors but at least when I got it home both of the guys they knew it was supposed to be J!  That's a start.

To Dye Again

The other day I applied the "cover the gray" dye to my hair.  Now I've had some adventures with doing this routine before - read here.  After that little fiasco, I actually discovered a color I really like and for which I received several compliments.  I even had one lady ask me what the color was since she wanted to use it as well.

So it would seem all is well in the hair color land.  Right.  Until I get to the store and can't remember the number of the color.  Never one to be deterred - I decide to try the "match the color by the picture of the model on the front of the box" routine.  Ask me why I didn't call the friend with whom I had shared my hair color number?  Because the logic of that never entered my mind.  I played "lineup" dye.

I came home and without any horrible dye incidents - walked out of the shower with newly colored tresses.  Only to look in the mirror and gasp!  Does deep shiny black mean anything to anyone?  The box said dark brown -not black! The guys tried to reassure me that it looked okay.  I tried to tell myself that I could live with it for however long - afterall hair grows.

Nope.  Not gonna happen.  Yesterday I waltzed down to the store and got the correct color and I am sitting here baking as I type.  Who knows what the outcome will be - but anything's got to be somewhat better.  I hope.  Maybe.  Perhaps I should surf through some wig sites.

Update:  It didn't work.  It did take care of one little patch I had missed - so at least now I'm even.  Of course somewhere in the back of my brain I knew the only way to do it is to strip it all and then start all over - ain't gonna happen.  I'll live with having the color hair I had when I was seven.

Frame Me

Last visit to J's pediatric dentist.  What a super dentist this has been.  He's been so wonderful through the years.  Got the name they recommended for J's adult dentist.  Of course J didn't have any cavities.  Must be nice.

Then we drove over to the new frame shop here in town.  Very nice man and great service.  I'll be taking the pics back to him on Wednesday for framing - one for the show - two for me - and a couple more that need hanging gear.  Costly - but done right.  Art is NOT cheap.

Still haven't gotten stuff off to ACT - must do that.  Grass pollen must be increasing - having to us inhaler more each day.

Hope you have blessed one.

Child Out Til Ten

My one and only is out there in the world by hisself!  He went to a Bible study, dinner, social time in Forsyth tonight.  And we let him get in the vehicle and drive down the road!  Oh my.

Call when you get there.  Call when you begin to head home.  Remember what to do in emergencies, stay focussed, make sure cell phone is on and charged, don't answer cell phone while driving, don't listen to the radio... etc. etc.  Sometimes I sit in amazement and ponder that people have been letting their children do these things for decades and they're not all raving lunatics.

I mean - do you think mothers have suffered these goofy fears when their kids first rode the family horse over to the neighbor's?  Yeah.  Probably.

BTW - child returned safe and sound around 9:30.  Only got lost twice and got scared cause a policeman put his sirens on behind him (he only wanted to pass Jbird).  The child has my poor sense of direction - bless his heart.

Brings to mind the Twila Paris song, "Do I Trust You Lord."

Yes Lord - I will trust You.

Signed, Sealed, and Delivered

This morning the pictures that my friend took for me were waiting in my email.  I looked at the one picture again and again and started to have a bad feeling.  I surfed through my pics and remembered it was photo I'd downloaded and then solarized.  Okay - that's one down.  Then I looked at one of the other pics and the blues were off.  The photographer had seen it also and offered to reshoot the pic.  Which was SO generous but I just didn't have the time. 

So I hauled out my little Coolpix, put it on museum setting, shut the blinds, grabbed an old navy piece of material, get Jbird out of bed to hold up background and shot several pics.  One is "good enough".  Not the quality of my friend's professional shot - but it will do.

Name the pics - The Sixties Tango and Garden Times - to go along with the theme "Memories".  Burn the disc with pics on it, go to post office, run by the Quinlan, pay submission fee - and voila!  I am now being considered for entrance into the show.  Takes my breath away.  One thing I did learn big time - was the importance of considering what you want your signature to be and look like.  I've been struggling with that for some time.  Each painting has two different looks (bad bad bad) cause I was in the middle of trying different things.  And to tell you the truth - I may sign my next paintings another way all together.  Must discuss this with instructor - I may be backed into a corner already.

Drove down to Gwinnett to look at possible framing solutions for the one picture.  Let's just say I wasn't thrilled.  I came home and told Hubby the quality and price.  He told me that the father of one of his students just opened up a frame shop here in our town.  I was surfing out local news site and there was this coupon for $25.00 off from the very store Hubby mentioned.  Sounds providential to me.

Stopped by MIchael's and picked up two big canvasses.  Sonny boy says, "Just don't make any more lime green dogs!"  Okay - how about some electric blue trees?

And last but NOT least:  I got my book from Michele in the mail today.  Wow.  The card was lovely thanks Michele.  Thank you a thousand times.  But - Wow!  I started reading the first chapter and begain crying.  There I am in all my glory - lol.  I can not wait to continue to read this book and trust me you will hear more about it - "Barbara and Susan's Guide to the Empty Nest".  One problem though - man - this ladies look great - ummm - they have how many children and grandchildren?  Oh my!

Entering the Fray

A week ago Thursday something happened which test my faith and revealed my flesh - again.  I've mentioned before that one of my goals this year is to enter a show.  My idea was to get into one of the Art League's bi-monthly little shows in the basement area of the Quinlan.

One of my co-painter's had produced a lovely picture and some of the higher powers that be were admiring it.  They asked her if she was submitting it for consideration for a "big" show for the upstairs gallery.  The theme is "Memories" and her painting is a beautiful waterfall where her family has taken many a picnic.  Needless to say, we were all wowed at the suggestion. 

Now the current rules for show participation are that if a work is produced in a class it can't be considered for an upstairs show.  This is their way of not having student work that the teacher has touched and to have multiple copies of a stiff life - if the class functions that way.  Everything about the picture must be your own work and original content.  Nice rules - but - our class functions primarily as a studio - and our instructor does not touch our paintings unless he asks permission and we grant it or we ask him to.  Suffice it to say - he doesn't touch mine and I know for a fact that he had not touched my friend's painting - I watched her paint it.

Well - let's just say - she was able to submit her work for consideration.  Now I had to deal with my jealous flesh and struggle with some law issues.  After some prayer and asking for forgiveness for my attitude, I came to some peace with the situation.

My final decision was to work only on technique in the class and do my paintings at home.  That wayI could have some eligible paintings.  Today, I mentioned this to my teacher and he said that just wasn't right.

While I drove J to karate, my instructor went upstairs to talk to the powers that be.  He came down with two applications - one for me and one for another student.  I was shocked.  They had extended the deadline and I had until Friday to get a digital picture of my painting(s) done, burned on a cd, fill out the application, go to the postoffice for pouch to return cd, consider titles, price, and framing.  I just sat there stunned.  My instructor comes up to me and hisses, "The door was closed.  Now it's open - you'd best go through it."

One of the ladies in my class came over and told me to get my paintings (I had to drive home to gather a few up).  When I got back she took me across the street to her office and shot my pictures.  She's a professional photographer!  I know that this service can cost well up to $100.  I asked her how much I could give her - she said - nothing.

I don't care if my paintings get accepted - it is the care and love that was bestowed upon me that means everything to me.  I am stunned.

Through My Eyes

The other night whilst Jbird was performing I was walking around the Gainesville State College Campus enjoying a beautiful spring early evening.  Hubby and I attended and graduated from the college back in the eighties.  Of course then it was Gainesville Junior College.  We were in our thirties and working full-time and going to school full time.  Looking back - I wonder how we did it.  The campus is always quiet at this time of day.  The day students are gone and the evening students haven't really begun to trickle in yet.  So while J did his violin thing - I chilled and went with memories.

Needing some shots from which to paint - I snapped pictures right and left at the trees and folliage on campus.  Of course what you see isn't probably what I'd paint.  My canvas would more than likely look more like this:

1. This means I know I can't paint realistically enough to be satisfied that the picture looks like the beautiful nature and
2. Part of me likes being able to be "okay" with seeing the world at a slightly different angle.

I see this on a big canvas - like I mean big.  Well - okay - big for me.  Right now I'm working on a 24 x 30 and it seems enormous.  Which it isn't if you are going to try to do something professional with your work.  Most professionals work BIG.

Stopped by J's pediatrician's office to pick up the letter we needed to affirm diagnosis of certain things.  Must write the cover letter, make copies, and send all things off to ACT - like tomorrow.

Went out to eat with son - love the chicken salad sandwich  at Sweet Magnolias and it is a big "no no" on anyone's diet.  I had an asthma attack out on the square - thankfully I had my inhaler with me.  The pollen is just crazy.  Came home and laid down on the couch and woke up a few hours later!  Wow.  So much for the day.

I did work some on a painting for a little while  (not THE painting - the masters copy).  Think I've finally got the layout right and should complete it tomorrow.

And a special thanks to Michele.  See the comment she left me on one of my posts.  It truly blessed me.  She is also starting a new blog.  You can read her here.

Gainesville College Strings

Thanks to Claire (an enterprising young cellist) we have the following video from J's performance last night.  Cool beans.

That's J just one left of the conductor in second violins.  They sound a whole let better than when they were practicing.

The Growing Up Trail

I know you have all heard it before, "They grow up way too fast."  It sounds like a cliche until it happens to you and then the reality grips your heart.  You find yourself sitting with a cup of coffee and staring out the window wondering where, when, and how the time evaporated.

Hubby and I had to drive Tango to the Vet for a final checkup the other day.  Hubby mentioned a program he had heard over the radio that was discussing the empty nest syndrome.  I was in the back seat holding the dog and he glanced furtively at me in the rear view mirror.  Evidently, this couple had been anticipating the graduation of their last child, when three months before the end of her senior year she decided to drop out of school.  It had been extremely difficult for them because it was so unexpected and because they had had all the graduation celebrations planned.  I got the eye glance again.

Then tears slowly began to trickle down my cheeks.  I've known that our son's senior year has been coming.   I've known bit by bit the apron strings would begin to snap - but living through it is another matter all together.  The dreams of the senior pictures, the ring, etc. etc. (BTW that's my child caught in the act of playing with a blue marker - look at that curly hair - wonder where it went?)  We've faced some milestones just recently:

Let's Not Tango

One of the things we've had to deal with (or not) since my writing hiatus has to do with our dog, Tango (of the lime green fame).  Perhaps you all remember the horrible time we had when Tango got bit by our across the street neighbors' dog.  We almost lost Tango that time.  We were sitting in the house one weekend just recently, when we heard a yelp.  Hubby had just been out working in the yard and had left Tango out.  I glanced out the window and screamed for Hubby to go intervene.  Our new next door (behind us) neighbor's dog was attacking Tango.  Come to find out, Hubby had left his sneakers out front to dry and our dog was trying to protect them - one is still missing btw. 

We got Tango in and Hubby looked him over.  Next time (and may there never be a next time) I will look the dog over.  Hubby declared Tango fine and that was the end of that - or so we thought.  Now this happened right in the middle of me being in a drug-induced stupor due to bronchitis.  That's how I justify my stupidity. 

Three days later I went to scratch Tango's ears and got a yelp.  And no wonder - his left year had been bitten and he had a tooth gouge just in front of his ear.  To say that I went ballistic is an understatement.  I was angry with Hubby (how he missed this is beyond me) and angry with our new neighbors.  Suffice it to say that a day or so later I found myself with the dog at the vet's - to the tune of over $300.  This was when I was still coughing so badly I could have been a poster child for Depends - if you know what I mean.  Right.  This is one of the world's most expensive mutts.  But he's my mutt and I love him.

And I say "not deal with" because I've yet to say anything to the neighbors.  Which makes me feel like a complete weenie.  I know the day is getting closer when this will have to happen because they are just letting their crew (at least three dogs) run out and about at all weird times and that is having our dog go nuts in his little penned in area and inside the house when he hears them (think middle of the night). Bark. Bark Bark.

Sonny boy just took our dog for his walk/run on a leash.  I swear we are the only people on the entire street who does this.  Remember we live out in the country and everyone just lets their animals run free - but our dog has been through too much at the mouths of these other big dogs to just let him roam free (even on our property - since two attacks have happened on our land).  I been told to get an air gun.  Like that is going to happen.

At least Tango is fine and acting like his normal self again.

Stuff and More Stuff

Okay - so it has been a loooooong time.  Plenty of good reasons for that.  I think our family has been the sickest it has ever been and we've been passing it back and forth for what seems like forever.  Started with the flu right after Christmas, then Jbird with bronchitis and a trip to QuickCare, then me to QuickCare with sinusitis and bronchitis,  Hubby to QuickCare with pneumonia - and then all of us with one of the nastiest cases of an intestinal/stomach virus that I've seen in years.  Hubby is still trying to get well.  I'm now battling my normal spring fling with pollen.  This year it has been outrageous!  The pollen count currently stands at over 700 with it having been as high as 3300 (200+ is considered extremely high).  However, compared to what I've been feeling like - I feel wonderful!

You will see different posts dealing with all the different "side" issues we've been dealing with - more than enough to give me a legitimate excuse for "being away".

Yes - I continue to take my painting classes.  Here are a few of the paintings I've done.  I'm finding that I really like color.  This surprises me.  When I was in high school I stuck to pretty muted colors.  I'm also surprised at finding I like big bold shapes.  I agree with one of the ladies in my class that says art therapy must be an intriquing field.  I would have thought I would be drawn to very realistic type painting.  Obviously, the lime green painting of our dog Tango proves otherwise!  I'm currently working on a large canvas copying a master's work - on the bequest of my instructor who said, "If you can copy a master you can paint anything."  Sure.  I love the master's work but I must say that to try and reproduce it is one of the most challenging things I've done so far.  I have a feeling it will end up being more me than anything else.

So here is the reproduction and it has at least 4-5 more layers to go before it is finished.  I'd show you the original picture but don't know if I can take the comparison at the point - lol!

Like I said, be prepared for alot of posts discussing what has and is taking place.  It has been a difficult but interesting time.  And some of the things I want to discuss because I know many of you may not know about the information I will be sharing - and you should.  Especially if you have a special needs kid or homeschool.  Off I go to take a shower and get ready to begin running errands.  Blessings to you all.  Thanks for writing to me and asking me if I'm still on the planet - yup - even if I felt like I was about to leave it several times.

Shake, Shake, Shake

Second day of diet.  I am ready for someone to open my mouth and pour in a gallon of sweet Georgia iced tea.  Primarily for the sugar.  Although the taste would be good about now.  Anything would be good about now.

How shaky am I?  Well, let's see.  I dropped something I was drying.  Picked it up, turned around and dropped a glass into the dishwasher (that was open and filled with clean dishes.  Right.  Hubby, seeing the state of being I was in, ran over to the rescue and picked up the bigger shards.  Ummm... except he forgot about the shards in the dishwasher or the fact the dishes would need to be run through again - after glass clean up.  I just left it all there in place.  I told the family to avoid the dishes in the dishwasher (kinda hard to do when when I'd waited forever to run the thing in the first place).  Plastic to the rescue.

This is the day when you have to determine 1) don't get on the scale - this could be the prelude the physical harming of a living breathing thing (that includes dog and cat) 2) don't expect much from painting (unless you want a picture that could grace the walls of The Night Gallery) 3)probably shouldn't work on lace shawl (hey -I'm on 16 of the repeat and this is NOT the time to goof up the project - four more repeats to go and then the edging)

So what did I do?  I painted.  It's okay - I stopped myself from killing the canvas.  I stuck to the diet with a passion (think a hybrid between Weight Watcher's and South Beach)  I did knit - very slowly and carefully and watched old movies so I wouldn't' be tempted to look up at the screen.

And watched the clock - hoping for the time when I could go to bed and put this day to rest. 

Facing Choices

One of the issues I've been struggling with since last month is whether or not I will go back into teaching.  If you are looking for a job as a teacher now is the time to get your resume out there.  Today, our county is holding its annual Teacher Fair.  The newspaper reports there are around 500 people there.  I'm not one of them.  I've prayed and prayed about it.  And I kept coming up with - no - you don't need to go.  Hubby got the same thing - which I think surprised him.  I've sent my resume out to several online teaching opportunities.  I believe the Lord will open the door I need to go through.

Now - about those 10-12 paintings.  I must say that while I'm flattered at my teacher's suggestion, at the rate at which I paint - it might be sometime before I have that many paintings in my cache.  First things first - we need to do a ruthless clean in the middle bedroom - strip down old wallpaper - paint and then move my arts/crafts things in there.  It would make a big difference in decluttering the house. Having an art table in the living room and an easel in the dining room isn't house user friendly.

After reading Jan's post on Lasagna Gardening - I did some online research myself about the subject.  I think it may be what our family is looking for as well.  I talked to hubby and he thinks it is a family project worth pursuing.   We definitely want some tomatoes, summer squash, zuchinni, corn, and some herbs.  With the grocery prices going ever higher - having some fresh vegetables on the table with summer and fall will be welcome.

We also need to replace the freezer that died.  I made my best "defense" presentation regarding the money that is going down the tubes due to not having a freezer - as in being able to cook big batches and then separate and freeze.  We are settling for more packaged goods due to little freezer space.

On the knitting front - I continue to knit on gifts that were supposed to be for Christmas. I would be really bad about this but I know I'm not alone on this point.  I do surf other knitting blogs and see that other people are in the same boat.   BTW - the tree did get up, gifts were wrapped, guests came over for dinner, Rich, Jason, and I got the flu,  Jason had his wisdom teeth removed, hubby went through a time where we were concerned with his blood pressure, Jason joined an ensemble group, I reunited with an old friend from J's NGCSU days, helped a friend get moved, and the other normal daily routine.

Note to self:  start next year's Christmas gifts now.  Right.

Creative Voices Part 2

  Where were we?  Oh yeah....  And then....

Well, I went away to a conference.  This conference was filled with creative people who are doing artsy, crafty, things in their lives.  I met a spinner who was wearing a shawl of her own creation (made on a triangle loom if I remember correctly).  Click the link to a place that has triange looms and shows you a bit about them.  I'm intrigued.  Deborah's  friend has alpacas.  And Deborah bakes scrumptious bread which she brought to the conference to share. 

I watched as several musicians came together with their instruments and blended to make one sound.  It amazed me to see them share their knowledge with one another and then all take off playing together - like they had done it for years.

Some people wrote journal entries, some people wrote poems - still others had a chance to share a part of their manuscript for some feedback.

All these people have artistic voices and are blessedly using them.  It was like someone blew across the embers of my heart and stirred them up again.  The desire to write began to rise.

And then - I think a buzzer went off somewhere in my head yesterday at my art class.  I wasn't in the best of moods, and decided to take my supplies and go to a corner in the back.  My last painting attempt had frustrated the hound out of me and I just left it at home.  I took out a blank canvas and determined to do something with which I would have some success.

So - I returned to leaves and flowers.  I sketched a little outline on my canvas and applied the underpainting on with turp and oils.  Hmmmm, I thought - that is going to be one bright painting.  But I doggedly continued.  One lady came in and saw me and brought her things in right next to me.  One by one most of the other painters would be begin to make the rounds of "look - see".  "Oh color!" they all exclaimed. We like to see what's on everyone's canvas.

Now - I am the type of person that likes to keep my picture to myself until I feel comfortable with exposing it.  A trait which came back to haunt me at the above mentioned conference.  One poor lady tried to peer over my shoulder at a journal entry drawing and I left a lasting impression - I'm afraid it wasn't a good one and I later tried to apologize for my less than cordial behavior.

But I think I have a greater understanding today than I did just days ago why I am that way.  I've known for quite awhile that when you paint you often find your heart on the canvas.  I liken it to having to have the guts to go on an American Idol tryout.  You take your voice and put it out there to  potentially be trampled upon.  Or perhaps your worst fear will come true and you will discover that you have no talent whatsoever and your friends have just been overly kind to you.  It's a risky business and frankly -  it doesn't fit with the pysch needs of affirmation, edification, and acceptance.

So - at the end of the day - my instructor takes a gander at my canvas and smiles and nods his head.  He then asks me if I realize I keep coming back to this subject and style.  I look at my canvas and realize I have a painting voice and it is coming through - whether I want it to or not - whether I want it to be something else or not - it is what it is.  My fellow painters have often remarked that we can tell each other's work without seeing a signature - we are distinct individuals - with distinct voices.

My teacher wants me to do try some things different with the paint (thicker - different blending techniques) but then he says he wants me to produce 10-12 paintings all in this style.  He thinks it is time to think about approaching gallery owners.  I am slain.

I'm voiceless.

Creative Voices Part 1

Voice Play

© Susan J. Belcher, 2005

“The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves. “  Carl Jung

“Are you absolutely sure you wrote this?”  The school librarian wore an expression of mixed superiority and cynicism.

I knew it didn’t matter what I responded, my mother was going to be called.  And she was.  They could not believe a sixth grade student capable of creating a parody of Shakespeare’s voice.  They awarded first place to another student.

I am glad to say that I continued playing with words. I eventually became an assistant editor on my high school newspaper, and a contributor to several literary anthologies.  There have been hundreds of essays, research papers, stories, and poems penned. Years ago, while obtaining my undergraduate degree, I took a college creative writing class.  It was there that I first became aware that each writer has a voice.  Some writers hear voices too, but this is not about that. 

One of my fellow pool mothers recently talked about her son’s writing for his English class.  Kevin was concerned because he felt like he didn’t have a voice. Frustration swept over me.  Part of me was happy the child knew there was such a thing as a writer’s voice, and the other part of me wanted to cry at my overwhelming desire to discover my own.

I decided to do something about it.   I signed up for some online writing classes.   The pursuit to uncover my voice began.  The classes were highly informative.   I acquired many new writing ideas.   However, I quickly learned that there were two things the instructor was not capable of providing:  1) she could not write for me, and, 2) she could not give me her voice.   I have a voice - somewhere.

The teacher was smiling as she turned off the tape player until she saw the horrified expression of the child.

            “Why honey, what’s wrong?”

“Who is that on the machine?” questioned the wide-eyed child staring at the machine.

            Mrs. Gilworth comfortingly put her hand on the child’s shoulder.

            “Child, that’s your voice.”

Perhaps I need to assure my voice that I will play safe.  It could be that my voice needs to know that I will appreciate it no matter what it sounds like.  So – come out; come out, wherever you are.  I am ready to play.

Added Today:  I feel like I've had writer's laryngitis.  I guess other's would say writer's block.  Lots of "stuff" going on since I last blogged.  I've considered many times just saying - "Okay.  After all these years of doing this - it's over.  But in my heart I yearned to write again.  I would come and sit down and the computer and look at it.  Then I would go and surf other people's blogs and I would think of things to write about - but not do it.  And then......

Painting Bunnies

I have a friend who loves bunnies.  I am getting NO WHERE in my attempts to watercolor a bunny.  My poor creatures look like something out of a monster movie nightmare.  Okay - they don't really look that horrible - but they do come close - lol!

Background music:  Perry Como - Merry Christmas to You

Son had day off and you think we would have whisked through the house.  But we didn't.  I did get some presents finished.  The attempt at painting bunnies was made.  Some laundry was tossed in and a crockpot full of sausages and pork with BBQ sauce was started.

Tonight is J's staff party at the YMCA.  Hubby is working until 9 or there abouts.  I'm planning on working on some more bunnies and maybe whip up a batch of my Mom's cookies to take to art class with me - or maybe those mincemeat cookies - yum!

Or maybe I'll just collapse on the couch, watch a movie, and knit some more on the replacement shawl.

Did hear today that they will be filming "The Hobbit" soon?  The first segment due out in 2009.  It will be a two-parter.  I'm looking forward to that and the next in the series of the Narnia stories.

My Birthday - An Auspicious Day

Hear ye - hear ye!  It's my birthday and I'll do what I want to....

That means that I got Jbird off to work.  My friend, Judy, had offered to take me out for lunch.  I got to looking at the disaster of a kitchen and dug in.  I just was beginning to see the counter once again when it was time for her to arrive.  When she got in the house I asked her if she wouldn't mind if I made her lunch and that way I could talk, clean, and enjoy her company far more than if I had be in a restaurant.  And so that's what I did.

I cut some inch plus thick pork cutlets in half and pan seared them.  Then I put in some yellow rice in the same pan to cook.  I took out the big carrots I had in the frig and biased sliced them.  I threw them in a pan with a tad of water and some maple syrup.  Then I whipped up a batch of big pumpkin muffins for dessert.

Whilst all that was cooking, we chatted and I cleaned up the rest of the stuff.  Then we sat amidst the clutter of my living room and ate the muffins.  We picked Jbird up from work and then I worked on some online games. 

When Hubby got home he brought a cheesecake.  He also got me a bunch of mangos!  I love mangos.  Jbird went in his room and came out with a birthday gift.  I told him he had already blessed me with the art supplies he had bought me.  "Well Mom - I thought you needed this."  And there was Tom Selleck.  The boy knows me!  So we all got a slice of cheesecake and headed down to watch a Magnum.  Life is good.